What Tim Chose

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name Tim C Hose
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birthday 03.27.81

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Friday, March 31, 2006

Right. Where was I?

Ahh. We'd just found out that our work project had been cancelled.

Not the most amazing thing to hear and not be told about. We really really wanted to work!
This other guy, though, claimed to have loads of jobs lined up for just such a young eager crew of large guys to handle. We all jumped into the truck, headed over to the tool shed, and he goes.
"Okay, get everything!"

Ah ha! We've heard this one before, sir!

Keeping a close eye on the man, we grabbed every tool and power tool we could find. Mowers, trimmers, chainsaw-on-a-stick, wheelbarrows, crowbars, circular saws! All of it!
Then, we loaded into the truck, packed 7 people in there like sardines and took off to these promised jobs.

The very first house that we went to was the house of the old woman who was in the wheelchair. Same place we'd been to the day before. Leading the way, our guide took us into her actual house for the first time ever, and this is where your host began to get a little concerned and angry.

The house was torn up inside. Literally. The sheetrock was gone, the flooring was gone, no insulation, nothing. So, while we had been happily mowing this woman's lawn the day before, her house had been sitting there just... waiting for somebody to help make it livable for the poor woman. FEMA trailers are not big by any means, folks, and are not quite built for the handicapped, or for people who want comfort.

Anyways. Once we get inside, the dude says "Okay. There is a hole somewhere under this house that her dogs keep falling into. We need to find out where that hold is and fill it in with dirt!"

Some of us exchanged puzzled glances, and I asked "Umm, hey. Wouldn't it be better just to get some trellis and block it off from the outside so that the dogs can't get under there at all?

He looked at me with an incredibly blank stare for a moment, and then then said "But... she wants the HOLE filled in!"

Then, he says "Stand back!" and started to CUT A HOLE IN THE WOMAN'S FLOOR with a circular saw!

"Woah!" We yelled. "What about her floor?"

"Ah," he says, "we're going to replace the whole floor."
That sounded okay to us, so he cuts a hole, right? Cuts a hole right in her floor, then stands up and looks at us and says, "Well, we're not really going to replace the floor. Just cover it with wood. It'll be strong."

I pointed at the hole and say "Well yeah, but not there."

Done is done, though, so we look down the hole and find out that the pit under the house is all the way on the other side of the house, and is actually made of concrete, like a well or cistern.
Gomer Pile the carpenter happily walks across the house and starts in on another hole right above the place.

This is where I realized how little carpentry experience the man had.

Picture this. No, really. It's nuts.

The man cut a hole...... around himself!

Just like in a cartoon! Luckily enough he was standing on a stud and didn't fall on through, but come on! He cut a HOLE around himself! After he was done, my friend Krystle pointed this out to him, and he gave this weird little laugh and stepped off the area and went "Daaaaang, sure did!"

Anyways, we find the pit under the house, and he starts measuring how deep the thing is. I asked him why, and he told me it was so that they could figure out how much fill dirt they would need to buy to get it done, and how much of a hole they would need to cut to dump it in there. I asked him if it wouldn't be easier just to not get all of that fill dirt, and not to tear up this poor woman's floor anymore, and instead just build a wooden cap to go over the pit.

Blinded by my logic, he nods and agrees, then took measurements for his masterpiece box. Feeling wary, I asked him what the measurements were.

"56 by 62!" He happily replied.

I waited.

And waited. He started working on something else.

"Hey," I finally said, "Don't you need to know how tall it needs to be?"

He froze for a moment, then snapped his fingers and yelled "Yup!"

After he got that measurement, he says "Lets go!"
Apparently, that's the only thing we needed to do there. Just take measurements.
So, I asked him why we didn't just crawl under the house to get those measurements.

Seems reasonable, right?

Gomer the Idiot Carpenter looks at me, straight in the face, serious as can be, and says...

"Ah hate spiders!"

TimChose [ 1:16 PM ]