What Tim Chose

After Ten Billion Years

2009-12-03T07:32:00.000-08:00

I finally post a new blog!

People, the world is fantastically open. With Twitter, Facebook, and Mysace I've been feeling a little too connected to everyone that I know.

So, I dug this dinosaur up out of the depths of the internet, and boy howdy, it's going to become a new vehicle for me to express myself in a semi-private fashion.

Maybe.

I might get tired of that, who knows?

Nice to meet you again, internet.

Down the fat!

2006-09-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a way long time since I've written in this blog, mostly because I went to that silly MySpace doodad. What I really need to do, though, is stick here and stay on my guns. Blogger really is some kind of an awesome site.

Okay.

Blog for today!

In high school, I was a pretty atheletic guy. I did martial arts, mountain biking, soccer, anything not school-related. After college, however, I stopped everything.

Now, I've gained a little more mass that I meant to.

Around Cristmas: weight 295

Now: weight 270

This is good! I'm hitting it harder and harder lately, so the fat is going away, but I want to keep myself more accountable. I've done the big stuff so far.

1. Joined the YMCA
2. Actually started GOING to the YMCA
3. Working out
4. Swimming
5. Cut sodas almost entirely out of my diet. Almost, curse you sodas!
6. Started eating healthier.

Now, there are just a few more things I need to do.

1. Not cheat.
2. Not cheat.
3. Keep myself accountable.
4. Stop eating out entirely.

So! Here's what I'm going to do. I'm pretty sure that nobody checks this blog nowadays. It's been months since I've written in here. I'm going to keep track of what I eat and what exercise I do on here. Like I said, I've been getting in the healthy habit lately, so that's helping me out.

Today's Food:

Breakfast: Lean Pockets Sausage Egg and Cheese. 140 Calories.

Lunch: Healthy and home made! Wheat pasta, chicken breast, broccoli and low fat Italian dressing in a delicious pasta salad.

Snack: Clif Bar. These dudes are awesome. 250 calories

Dinner will consist of... who knows! Probably more pasta salad. I'm cheap like that, and I need to eat the stuff before I leave for the weekend.

Thanks, Internet!

Spring Break: Hands and Feet

2006-04-07T07:56:00.000-07:00

Right away after lunch, our happily free group of friends set out down the street to start our day off by finishing some work we had to do at a lady's house that we had been to previously. As we walked down the street, we happened to look behind us to see more and more Wesley students following us up the street. Apparently they were just as annoyed with their jobs as we were, so they joined us up the street.
Once we got there, Carl and I took charge directing people to different jobs, which was a lot of fun. Amy and Michael bagged over TWENTY bags of cans from this lady's yard, Chris, Matt and Steven threw out a mountain of debris and limbs, and Roy Carl, Krystle and I filled in everywhere else we could.
After working on her yard until it was properly finished, Carl, Michael and I decided to walk up the street to find our next job while everyone else cleared the site away. After walking through the neighborhood for about ten minutes, we came upon this little black woman named Josie. Carl walked right up and talked to her, because Carl can talk to anybody, and we got a conversation started. She looked a little wary that three white guys just wanted to help her out for free, but we explained that we were missionaries and had some other friends with us and didn't want any money, and she brightened right up.
Leading us around her house, she showed us her property and the damage that Katrina had done to her place. Everything actually looked pretty nice from the outside, but the inside of her home was a wreck.
She told us that water had been inside her house up to seven feet deep, and that she had been inside of it for almost the entire thing. She sat on her freezer with her sister and brother, and was scared out of her mind. Then, from her story, they all prayed together, and the water started to go down right then. Not quickly, I'm sure, but it stopped rising.
Anyways, her main problem was that FEMA (Federal Emergency Managment Agency) had given her a trailer to live in, which was great. What wasn't so great was that they had had to run her water line underneath her house to get it to the trailer, but had used cracked water pipe to do it, so there was water just spewing underneath her house. That meant that she still had no water in her trailer. She was pretty sure that she was going to have to try to call FEMA to repair it, but once I looked under there, I was sure that I could make the repair pretty easily. While Michael and I checked out that, Miss Josie showed Carl what everyone else from the group could help with in the morning. Since the day was almost over, we went back to the church to tell everyone else what we were going to do the next day. It was greeted with general happiness and excitement, because the day had gone so well since lunch.
That night we dealt with some scheduling conflicts that had come up during the day. We were supposed to work the first half of the day and then leave to Pensacola for our one half day of fun, but since everybody had been so stressed, they had decided to switch it so that we could leave in the morning and come back for dinner at the church. A really nice thought, but it put a cramp in the promise we'd made to this woman. We obviously didn't want to keep anyone from having their fun day, so a couple of us volunteered to stay behind and do the work instead of going to Pensacola, which I thought was a pretty good deal, but everyone else had different ideas.
Turns out, nobody wanted to leave. It came down to a vote that was unanimous for us to all stay in Biloxi and to work in the morning. Everybody else had things that they wanted to finish at their job sites, and we decided to work until lunch and then kind of hang out there. Either way, we were out of town, so it wasn't a bad deal.
I was just so... impressed with everyone. I'd been worried that people would be upset, but I should have had more faith in the faith of my friends.
At any rate, the entire mood of the trip changed from one of frustration to one of excitement.
The next day, we almost bounced out of our beds ready to work. With our enormous workgroup, everyone piled into the back of the church truck like true Arkansans, and we tore off down the road to the work site. Dropping everyone else off, Michael and I went to pick up the plumbing supplies and then headed back to the site.
It was awesome having Micheal do this stuff with me. I'd done plumbing before, but I didn't have a doubt in my mind that he would pick it up as easily as breathing, which he did. He's got one of the most amazing brains in the world, for real.
Anyways, we crawl under the house to get to this pipe break, where we set to work while the rest of the group cleans out Miss Josie's garage of all of the moldy stuff that got destroyed in the flooding. It looked like some hard, dirty work and my friend Matt took a good knock on the chin from an iron pot he accidentally fell on. He just kind of kept working, though, so it was cool.

Okay. Under the house. This is the sick part.

The underside of the house was pretty clean, so we had no trouble getting to the break point. After sawing out the messed up section and replacing one side, I started to crawl around to the other side to replace it, when I saw it.

A foot away from me.

Looking at me.

It was a dog's skull.

There we were, under the house, staring at each other. I looked down and saw more bones right under me. Somehow, I hadn't touched any of them yet, which was awesome. I kind of went "Michael?"

He looked over and said "Yeah ma-AAAAH! Dude!"

Without anything else to do, I just kind of crawled over the thing being careful not to touch it or anywhere close to it. Michael said that I got "Dirty Dog Award" for doing that, but I really didn't have a lot of options.
So, after we patched up that side we told people about Francois (The name we gave the dog) and my friend Ryan looked under the house and goes "There's still SKIN on it!"
Sure enough, the side facing me was skull, but the other side?
Oh yes. Mummified doggy.

Anyways. We never did tell Miss Josie about the dog under the house. I figured if it was hers, she was better off thinking that it had escaped the flood.

After that, we invited Miss Josie to dinner, which was authentic Gumbo and Jambalaya. She was worried about driving after dark, so Carl, Michael and I promised to come and pick her up.

As weird as the trip started, it turned out almost magical. We ended up doing some really good meaningful work for a total stranger who was really appreciative. Everyone gave up most of their fun time to do the work that we'd gone down there to do, and a really special lady named Miss Josie came to dinner with us. We all took pictures with her and then drove her home. After checking that her water line was holding (It was. Score!) we walked back to the church in the dark.

Sometimes, it's a very hard thing to feel humble.

Sometimes, though, it's like the whole world is humble with you.

It's an interesting feeling, though, to go through a week just desperate to help somebody and to truly not want anything in return except for them to maybe really start to believe that some people just want to help, and to serve the Lord.
At the end of the trip, I was really content with how it had turned out not because we'd done something amazing for somebody, because we really hadn't. But we had done something for God, and had stepped out with a strong desire to really do the work that we felt He wanted us to do down there in Biloxi.

I love my friends, everyone. They're amazing people, and if you haven't all met each other, then you really should. If you have met already, then take some more time to get to know each other, because you'll find out that the person you only know casually has something incredible inside of them.

Alright, I'm off the soap box. God is amazing, Biloxi is rebuilding, and the sun is going down here in Arkansas. Have a great night.

End of the Break BREAK POINT

2006-03-31T13:18:00.000-08:00

Okay, so continuing in the saga of my odd spring break trip to Biloxi, we take the story back up where Gomer the Idiot Carpenter had just revealed that the tender parts of his psyche could not stand spiders apparently even more than a friend of mine. I make this assumption because rather than send one of the other people down there with the spiders, he happily kept us all out of the danger of eight legged freakiness.

My other friend would have happily sent us house diving if it meant not chopping up some poor lady's floor, and that's just fine folks.

Alright. So. After the dreaded spider revelation we loaded the truck back up because that was literally all we were doing at this lady's house. Our slightly grumpy band of still-eager missionaries plowed onward to the next house on the list, making a brief stop at Lowe's for one single small piece of plumbing that we needed. The only reason we needed said piece of plumbing was because Gomer the Idiot Carpenter also added Idiot Plumber to his list of achievements the day before by digging straight through a lady's waterline.

Arriving at the second house, we bail out and start unloading tools while Gomer runs behind the house. Ryan deftly handed me a bag of plumbing fixtures and joints, and we all headed for the source of trouble, only to be met by Gomer coming back around the house.

"What are y'all doin'?" He asked.

We all stared blankly, and a few of us pointed weakly at the water main he had broken.

He shook his head like a big shaggy bear and goes "Naw! I'm done! Only thing ah had to do was around back!"

So we got back in the truck...

and left.

By this time, get this... it was lunchtime. We had done nothing the entire day, and let me tell you, it made for a really unhappy group of men and one woman who just wanted to help somebody. There was destruction everywhere, but we had done nothing the entire day.

As soon as we got back to the church, we all agreed on something.

We weren't going to do this anymore.

They had told us the very first day that we were there that if we did not like what we were doing on a project to just walk up the street and ask somebody if they needed help, so we decided to take them at their word and do just that. We were tired of unfinished projects, tired of not helping people improve the situation they were in. There were some people in my group who I had never seen angry the entire time I'd known them.

Oh, you know who you are!

Anyways, after we made this decision, everyone immeadiately felt better. We were excited, a little nervous about stepping out like this (such rebels!) and really really happy to be doing something that felt more in line with what we thought God had called us to do down there.

During lunch, however, Gomer came up to me and we had a little confrontation. He stopped me in the bathroom of all places, and holds out his hand with a smug look on his face.

"Dude. After lunch, we're really gonna hit it hard!" He says to me.

I looked him straight in the eye and said. "No, no we aren't."

He looks confused for a second, and then says "No, really. I've got us another job! Another older couple who need their lawn done. Just up the street from the last house."

I started trying to talk, but he stopped me again and says "Now, it ain't gonna be nothing too hard, just some easy work."

I say "Gomer! We really want to do something hard!"

He kind of waves that off and goes "Ahh naw! You guys are going to have a fun day tomorrow on the beach! You need an easy day!"

I gaped at him, and say "Yesterday was an easy day! We really want to do something hard!"

He just kind of laughed at the idiot kid, though, and left me standing there awkwardly in the bathroom as an old guy exited the stall and gave me a weird look.

Right at the end of lunch, my friends Ryan and Carl went to tell Gomer that we were not going to be on the other crew. These two guys are some kind of special studs, because Carl told him that we just had another job we were going to do. Apparently he got all flustered and started going on about how we needed to do yardwork for the memebers of the church, and Ryan instantly p0wn3d him with his fury alone. He told Gomer that there were people sleeping under the bridge, and he didn't think that lawn work was important.

I love those guys, and I wish I'd heard it.

I'm going to need one more entry to finish this guy up, but I promise, it's the best part of the entire trip. If you've been following the story, then it really is a storybook ending filled with some of the best characters I know.

It's a lucky man who has friends like these.

End of the Break CONTINUED

2006-03-31T13:16:00.000-08:00

Right. Where was I?

Ahh. We'd just found out that our work project had been cancelled.

Not the most amazing thing to hear and not be told about. We really really wanted to work!
This other guy, though, claimed to have loads of jobs lined up for just such a young eager crew of large guys to handle. We all jumped into the truck, headed over to the tool shed, and he goes.
"Okay, get everything!"

Ah ha! We've heard this one before, sir!

Keeping a close eye on the man, we grabbed every tool and power tool we could find. Mowers, trimmers, chainsaw-on-a-stick, wheelbarrows, crowbars, circular saws! All of it!
Then, we loaded into the truck, packed 7 people in there like sardines and took off to these promised jobs.

The very first house that we went to was the house of the old woman who was in the wheelchair. Same place we'd been to the day before. Leading the way, our guide took us into her actual house for the first time ever, and this is where your host began to get a little concerned and angry.

The house was torn up inside. Literally. The sheetrock was gone, the flooring was gone, no insulation, nothing. So, while we had been happily mowing this woman's lawn the day before, her house had been sitting there just... waiting for somebody to help make it livable for the poor woman. FEMA trailers are not big by any means, folks, and are not quite built for the handicapped, or for people who want comfort.

Anyways. Once we get inside, the dude says "Okay. There is a hole somewhere under this house that her dogs keep falling into. We need to find out where that hold is and fill it in with dirt!"

Some of us exchanged puzzled glances, and I asked "Umm, hey. Wouldn't it be better just to get some trellis and block it off from the outside so that the dogs can't get under there at all?

He looked at me with an incredibly blank stare for a moment, and then then said "But... she wants the HOLE filled in!"

Then, he says "Stand back!" and started to CUT A HOLE IN THE WOMAN'S FLOOR with a circular saw!

"Woah!" We yelled. "What about her floor?"

"Ah," he says, "we're going to replace the whole floor."
That sounded okay to us, so he cuts a hole, right? Cuts a hole right in her floor, then stands up and looks at us and says, "Well, we're not really going to replace the floor. Just cover it with wood. It'll be strong."

I pointed at the hole and say "Well yeah, but not there."

Done is done, though, so we look down the hole and find out that the pit under the house is all the way on the other side of the house, and is actually made of concrete, like a well or cistern.
Gomer Pile the carpenter happily walks across the house and starts in on another hole right above the place.

This is where I realized how little carpentry experience the man had.

Picture this. No, really. It's nuts.

The man cut a hole...... around himself!

Just like in a cartoon! Luckily enough he was standing on a stud and didn't fall on through, but come on! He cut a HOLE around himself! After he was done, my friend Krystle pointed this out to him, and he gave this weird little laugh and stepped off the area and went "Daaaaang, sure did!"

Anyways, we find the pit under the house, and he starts measuring how deep the thing is. I asked him why, and he told me it was so that they could figure out how much fill dirt they would need to buy to get it done, and how much of a hole they would need to cut to dump it in there. I asked him if it wouldn't be easier just to not get all of that fill dirt, and not to tear up this poor woman's floor anymore, and instead just build a wooden cap to go over the pit.

Blinded by my logic, he nods and agrees, then took measurements for his masterpiece box. Feeling wary, I asked him what the measurements were.

"56 by 62!" He happily replied.

I waited.

And waited. He started working on something else.

"Hey," I finally said, "Don't you need to know how tall it needs to be?"

He froze for a moment, then snapped his fingers and yelled "Yup!"

After he got that measurement, he says "Lets go!"
Apparently, that's the only thing we needed to do there. Just take measurements.
So, I asked him why we didn't just crawl under the house to get those measurements.

Seems reasonable, right?

Gomer the Idiot Carpenter looks at me, straight in the face, serious as can be, and says...

"Ah hate spiders!"

End of the Break

2006-03-31T12:47:00.000-08:00

So here is the dramatic end of my spring break week of mission work fun.

Want to know the end before I get to it?

We left the worksite in frustration.

No joke! Ok, here's the skinny, as the homies say. (Yes, I know that was an fase reference. Homies would never say that, or their boys would be checkin' on 'em for a looooong time, son.)

Alright. Well, after my last entry, the workdays went slightly odd. Wednesday we did yardwork. I'm serious, yardwork for church members, which I can tell you is pretty hard to do when you've looked at people who are sleeping under a bridge.
What they did was to take us to these church member's homes and do "beautification projects" where we mowed the lawns and trimmed branches and stuff. At first, it didn't seem like a bad thing, because the woman that we were doing this for was in a wheelchair and couldn't do the work herself. No big deal.
the second house of the day, though, was for people who's lawn had been named Yard of the Year in Biloxi for like, 4 years running.
Now, I don't want to sound ungrateful. The church was putting us up and feeding us, but come on. The whole time we were mowing this lawn or moving branches, or spreading mulch, we were talking to each other. Is this what we were here for? Did God want us cleaning these people's yard? Wasn't there someplace else we could do more good?

Well, in most cases, the moral to the story ends up something about how the group prayed about it and decided that there was some lesson about life to be learned in the simple service of doing the work.

The only thing was... it wasn't like that. We prayed about it, yes, but the message really was that we could be doing much, much more.

So, the next day rolls around on our frustrated little group of missionary adventurers. We had secured a job where we were supposed to demolish the ceiling on some woman's house because it had been damaged in the floods. Sounded pretty cool to us, so in the morning we loaded up into this guys truck and headed off.
We got in the truck.
And drove.
Across the parking lot to the toolshed.
Where the guy goes "Okay, go get all the tools we'll need!"
We're pumped!
We jump out of the truck.
Rush to the toolshed.
Grab all the tools we'll need. Crowbars, hammers, etc.
We run back outside.
And...
He's gone.
Truck and all! The dude TOOK OFF while we were in the shed, and so we waited for him to come back. We waited for an hour and a half. No kidding.
When he finally gets back, he parks the truck and goes into the building without saying a WORD to us. Minutes later, a different guy comes out with papers in his hand yelling "I got us some JOBS! Come on!"
"Wait," I said, "what about the ceiling job?"
"Oh, that got cancelled!" He happily replied.

Dang, kids. I'm tired. My birthday was yesterday, so I'm going to go to sleep and finish this sad sordid tale tomorrow. Have a great night!

Biloxi Blue

2006-03-31T12:46:00.000-08:00

This week.

Pretty bizarre week so far, people. I'm in Biloxi right now helping with hurricane relief this week, and it's pretty interesting. Thus went my week, sirrah.

We all boarded up on the vans Saturday morning, and headed out for an 8 hour trip down here to the rocking land of Biloxi. I had been worried about how this trip was going to go down because let's face it. Eight hours in a van with 15 or so people can get a little tedious.

So, I decided that it wasn't going to happen that way, and I bought toys. My supplies to create a vastly fun trip included:

1. Glass Chalk. With this we decorated the outside of the van with many fun slogans such as "Hey you! You are an awesome person! (And Cute!)" and we also drew bears, bunnies, and people running all willy nilly.

2. Sticky Balls. These little guys are made of suction cups, so they stuck to everything they hit. Awesome for nailing right next to a drowsy friend's head.

3. Snacks. We all loaded up with fruit rollups, granola, and chips.

4. Bubbles. Yes, people. This was the big one that sent our trip into astronomical fun-time. I bought a huge pack of little bubbles, so we spent literally hours creating a 60's wonderland of flying colored fun. Hopefully somebody else will clean out the inside of that van.

Anyways, that's how the ride went. We all arrived just fine, and then got our first taste of what had really happened down here. It was pretty sobering.

Not that we were drunk. Just for the record, we weren't.

No, really.

Ok, the coastline of Biloxi is almost gone. Almost all of the houses new and old, every single reasturant, the ocean casinos, and anything else unlucky enough to be in the way of a 30-foot tall wall of water.

The big thing here, though, is the church that we are staying in. These people are some kind of amazing. We are literally across the street from the beach, so the water got into the church during the hurricane. The pews are all messed up and the church has been overhauled.

Not overhauled like you would think, though.

Every SINGLE Sunday School room has been changed into sleeping places for missionaries. They have gone in and changed a large downstairs room into showers for the missionaries, and these people have been working for, get this, six months straight without time off as voulnteers coordinating different visiting group's labors. They are excited about the fact that sometime around August they might get a week off. No kidding.

Well. Since I've been here, I've worked on a cleanup crew down by the highway. We got rid of a lot of trash and such that had blown in, set a fence back up, and that kind of thing. Today, though, it was a little wierd. We went to this lady's house where she was diabled from repeated surgery, and her father was bedridden. They had cans. THOUSANDS of cans, people. This lady and her dad love Diet Coke with a passion and had decided to recycle before they were injured. Well, those cans have been sitting there since 2003, and the pile just got bigger and bigger. My friends Roy and Carl were given the task of pulling these soda cans out and recycling them. Well, we got to talking about it, and all we could think about were the tabs on those sodas. You see, there are a couple of different things that you can do with those tabs. One of them is donate them to the Ronald McDonald House, and I hear that they will pay for one minute of chemotherapy for children with cancer. It has to do with the fact that the tabs are higher in metal content and worth more for recycling.

So, we went to work and pulled hundreds and hundreds of tabs off of these guys before we re-bagged them and sorted them. Fifteen bags later we called it a day, mowed the lady's yard, and came back to the church. After dinner and devo, a few of us wandered the town and saw the Katrina memorial site where I got to talk to a couple of locals who were actually in the storm. Later, we think that somebody shot at us froma boat, so we came back to the church.

There, we found our looters.

Yes, we have our very own looters! These lovable morons have returned to the apartment beside the church for three nights in a row scavenging what they can from the place, so we decided that we would just... watch them. It worked like a charm, and freaked them out so badly that they started to shout at us and left.

As they left last night, one of them apparently was annoyed at being run off by Arkansans, being of high Mississippi blood, so he yelled at us "Heeey! Ya'll got you tee vee up thar in Arkansas yet?"

Now, I'm not sure what happened in my brain, but I yelled back "No sir! We're due to get that started up next year though! We're real excited!"

This took the poor fellow aback, so he kind of went "Uhh. uhh" for a moment, and then in a brilliant flash of insight yelled another "tee vee" related insult.

"Y'all got you cable? Huh? Haw haw haw!"

So, I yelled back at him, "Heck yeah I got me some cable! I use it to tie down stuff in mah truck, or to rope some steer up to things. Cable's real useful!"

I really don't know if the guy ever realized that I was messing with him or not, but they retreated before my vivious verbal onslaught. We have a lot of fun standing outside watching them every night when they come back.

Anyways, that's been my trip so far. More updates will come later! Other people need to use this computer, have a great night!

My Kryptonite

2006-02-28T15:49:00.000-08:00

I thought, just for a minute, that I might die today. Kick the bucket, croak, push up sone daisies, or (as Bone Thugs say) decease.

A slightly well known fact about me is that I am crazily vulnerable to spicy foods. Jalapenos? No sir! The truth of the matter is that I can barely chew Big Red. It's honestly that bad. A doctor told me once that this means that I'm what's known as a "super taster," so apparently I can taste things better and have a better sense of smell than other people.

The tradeoff, though, is this insane weakness to all things spice. Growing up, our taco sauce was ketchup. Rotel scorches my poor little sensitive tongue, and the only peppers I eat are green bell peppers.

So! Today I decided to eat some healthy food, and I was looking at wraps from Tropical Smoothie when I stumble upon this little gem of a food item called the "Carribbean Jerk" wrap. Boy howdy did it ever sound like it was right up my alley. Being unfamiliar with it, I decided to give it a go.

Of course, what nobody told me was that the devil had personally cooked this little burrito of mouth-death himself, and used the extra "Kill Tim" spice.
I bit into this thing, and instantly felt the tingle.
Oh man. I thought. This thing is spicy! I'll eat it quick!
So I wolfed the poor thing down as quickly as I could because heck, whatever it was going to do to me was going to happen now regardless, right?

Not such a smart move as it turns out.

My mouth caught fire. Seriously, it was some of the worst pain I've ever had in my mouth. It was like somebody maced my tongue, and then tazered it. My lips were burning, my eyes were watering, and my nose started running.
I don't know if you guys know how to get spice out of your mouth or not, but I do from years of fear and scaldings. Bread, my friends. Bread is an amazing little animal that soaks up spice like nobody's business, so I went through my office in search of something bready.

Here's the slightly embarrassing part.

All I found were cookies. By now, my mouth is in so much hurtful pain that I think my face will burn off of me and that I can probably start breathing fire any time I want to.

So, I resorted to what any sane person would at a time like this.

I gobbled cookies like a man posessed. I don't know about you, but I find it hard to explain what I'm doing when someone I work with comes into the kitchen and finds me crying while frantically scrubbing my tongue with a Chip's A-Hoy Soft cookie.

She stopped, wide eyed.

I stopped, as wide eyed as I could.
Then...

scrub.

scrub.

Silence. Staring.

scrub...

Yeah, it was pretty awkward for me. Anyways! My mouth got better thanks to those emergency cookies, so all I have to say now is this:

God bless you, Nabisco.

scrub

Accidental Perversion

2006-02-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

Today was slightly interesting.

Saturday mornings just haven't lost the magical appeal that they had when I was a kid. I slept until 10:30, which was some kind of awesome. If you've read my last blog, you understand. Anyways, after I got up, my friend Amy and I went to go look at pawn shops and antique malls. I like going to those places because you really never know what you're going to find in them. I'd scoped some out the day before, so we were going to stop by and see what was up.

Well... on the way to the first one, I saw a place on the side of the road that seemed to have a lot of second hand furniture. Quick as a flash, I whipped my car into their drive, hoping that they would have maybe a rocking chair or a prayer stool or something. As soon as we got out, though, this old lady comes out of the store and walks over to us.

"Hi, can I help you?" She asks. "We don't have much, we just had a burnout." (a fire.)

"Oh man, that's awful, I'm sorry." I said. "We were just going to look through some of your stuff out here, but if you've had trouble..."

She stopped me and looks at Amy and I and goes "Well, do you know what you want? Most of our customers are regulars."

That seemed kind of weird to me, but I figured she didn't mind selling stuff, and probably needed to because of the fire. "No, that's okay, we'll just look through if that's okay." I said.

"Ok, well come on, then." She replied, and led us around the corner of the building away from the furniture and stuff. Amy and I exchanged odd glances, and the lady took us over to, and I'm not kidding...

A gigantic pile of porn magazines and sex toys.

Seriously.

She started poking through the pile and says "Well, this is what we got out so far, but here are the toys, and that's the movies, so look through what you'd like-"

"Umm, umm. Ma'am?" I said, "I'm really sorry, but I got the wrong impression, I thought that you guys were selling the furniture out front!"

She stared at me for a second and says "You didn't know this was an adult shop, did you?"

I had to laugh, and said "No, ma'am. I'm a youth minister!" So she joined in laughing while Amy stood there and kind of looked mortified.

Anyways. It was probably the most awkward occurance of misunderstanding that I could imagine, so we kind of shuffled away from the gratuitous mountain of dirty.

Yeah, imagine trying to talk about ANYTHING with a Christian friend of the opposite sex alone in a car after that misunderstanding. I think we talked about parrots.

That's how my morning went. The rest of the trip was great, we found a REAL antique mall and I picked up a Frank Sinatra vinyl album, some tools, and a front licence plate that says "Reduce Smog: Ride a Horse."

Anybody? Eh? Eh?

Have a great night America.

Work, it turns out, is hard work.

2006-02-24T10:53:00.000-08:00

I think that working two jobs is finally taking it's toll on me.

It turns out that working 70 hours a week takes up a lot of your free time.

I figured that out all on my own. No, really!

I've got the Monday through friday 9 to whenever work gets done, and then the youth job which just kicked up a notch. I've added a youth night to my country church because we finally have enough teens to start one. Now, I also work all day Sunday, almost every single Saturday, and Wednesday and Thursday nights.

I'm so happy to have just a few hours to myself Monday, Tuesday, and Friday nights that I just kind of sit for the most part. It's amazing the things you feel like you're making time for when you are on a very short supply of it. Reading, talking to friends, anything. I have, at least, taught myself some more on the guitar.
The main thing, though, is that mah bills are getting paid. Soon them credit cards will be a distant memory, and student loans will have taken their rightful place as my monetary nemesis of choice. I like to focus on a bill to pay it off and get it out of the way. Finance charges. There's something they never told me about in high school.

I actually had a dream about taking a nap. Seriously, I did. Somehow, I was disappointed to wake up and find out that I hadn't been taking a nap. I don't think that makes sense, somehow. It's my own fault, though. I just can't seem to stop doing things lately.

I should be getting a road bike pretty soon so that I can train up for an upcoming mission trip bike ride. I've missed riding a lot, so I'm going to start riding the bike to work every chance I get. I'll just be chasing the American dream of changing my tummy from one big lump into a series of small, hard lumps.

My first step on that part has been to actually shop for food. I know, I know, it sounds revolutionary and very bizarre, but it turns out that you can choose to buy healthy food at the supermarket!

I know! Wierd, right?

Anyways, I'm going to give the whole diet thing a try along with my new fantastically painful workout routine. It's set up into separate phases which I have yet to name any of except for the first. It's called "Whine Like A Sissy: Lactic Acid and You."

Life is freaking rad. I'm feeling better than ever, putting more of myself into my work (Youth, not design) than I have before, focusing on what needs to be done, and working myself to death. I've got close to twenty kids that I get to hang out with all the time, and who are all completely different. The skater kids want me to skate, which so far, I'm awesome at. I can stand on the board and not fall off. Not while it's moving, mind you. That's a big accomplishment for me. The inner city kids are making my dodgeball skills insane, and now my boys claim that I am "From da hood." Apparently it's as easy as just living there.

No, really. They told one of my friends that the other night. She was talking about how she was insulting someone, and Leroy pipes up "Mr. Tim don' know none of your crazy white girl insults! He straight from tha hood!"

First, she stared at him, laughing.
Then, she stared at me.

I went, "Yeah!"

Haaaah! Just a few years have transformed me somehow into a graphic-designing, almost-skateboarding, net-blogging, youth minister who is straight street, yo.

In two years, I'll probably have dreds, and be calling myself "T-Sketch" or something.

I love my jobs, I love being overworked, I love not sleeping enough, I love my new no longer secret fitness craze, and I love what's happening in my personal life, I love my friends, and I'm pretty much... good.

I gotta tell you, right now I wouldn't have it any other way.

Weekend Gropings

2006-02-20T15:20:00.000-08:00

What a week I had!

Monday and Tuesday were work. Surprise! They're also a couple of my very few days when I don't have to work after work, so they were pretty nice, and I did not in fact, work those nights. I have absolutely no recollection of what I did do, though. Mostly, my brain was in severe power save mode. I'm such a Mac using zombie.

Wednesday, though, was a pretty different story. Wednesday was my third youth meeting ever at my country church. The first meeting, there were two kids. The second meeting, there were three. This week, though, eight kids show up with their skateboards. So, my friend Amy and I let them skate around for a while, because they were having a great time, and then I started the Bible lesson.

Some of these kids, I should mention, have never gone to church ever. That means that some of them really don't know any of the story of Jesus, so I asked if they did or not, and a couple of them raised their hands. Then I asked if any of them wanted to tell the story pretty quickly for everyone, and this kid raises his hand all excitedly, and I point to him and say "Go for it, man."

Oh, he went for it.

Here is the story of Jesus, as it came out of this child's mouth:

"Jesus was born from the Virgin-Angel Mary. Then he got laid in this cart, and when he came out he was all strong and stuff, and he had on this armor, and he started knocking stuff over everywhere, and then he has this little short dude who kept following him around, and he was kind of a goat, and..."

"Woooooah!" I yelled at my confused kid. "That's not the story of Jesus at all!"

"Yes it is!" he argued back, "I saw it on the movie Herculese!"

I guess my point here, is that I've got a long way to go with these kids.

The only other stuff that happened to me was that we had a small ice storm, and I kind of got felt up.

In church.

More on that later! Have a great night kids!

New Hotness

2006-02-13T11:26:00.000-08:00

I love stuff.
To be really precise, I love stuff for the home. I can really spend a lot of time in Home Depot just looking and dreaming about my "someday" house.
To that point, I really like websites with super cool stuff for the home.
I just found this site, Yanko Design and it's got some crazy cool stuff. They have some kind of funky toaster, an awful yet really cool bathtub plug,and all kinds of other things that just make me happy.

Turns out that everything there is also fantasticall expensive. Who's going to pay 50 bucks for a cheese slicer? The suckers are out there, man.

Big confession this week:

I'm a housewares dork.

Oooooooh me!

2006-01-27T15:13:00.000-08:00

Wow. I just killed everyone at work with the "Interrupting Cow" knock knock joke. I didn't actually understand that they just didn't know the joke.
I'm having a pretty great day. I got a lot done and some extra on top of that. I made some pretty awful posters for a sales seminar coming up, but they didn't really have to be that great, so it was okay.
I get to go to Office Max today to see if I can find some sticker paper. I'm going to try to print out some stickers that my youth kids can give out to their skateboarding friends. It's all based on this character that I made up Thursday night, Crosseye the Christian Turtle.
This is him.

Alright, I've got to finish some work and not waste the company's time. At least I don't get paid by the hour, so I'm not worried about feeling like I'm cheating them.

I just got backhanded!

2006-01-21T09:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was having lunch with my brother and a couple of other friends. It was at this odd little hole in the wall place that doesn't get a lot of notice, which was really cool with me because I love those kinds of places.
Well, I was walking through the reasturant talking on my phone (yes, I was that rude, but I was trying really hard to be quiet.) and there was a waitress who was talking to other waitresses and also not paying attention. Apparently she really likes to gesture when she talked, because when I walked by, she swung her arm out to the side to make a point, backhanding me hard right in the solar plexis. It didn't hurt, (I have to say that, of course, because of testosterone.) but dang it was funny. She got this horrified look on her face and started apologizing right away while the rest of the waitresses and myself exploded in laughter.
She kept apologizing and looked really embarrased, so I stopped her and said "No, really! It was FUNNY, don't feel bad!"
Anyways, that was pretty much the whole story. We went back and forth for the rest of the meal with her apologizing and me telling her not to worry about it because it was pretty hilarious.
I'm pretty sure she got over it, because she came to our table later and told everyone how she had beaten me up. I did my very best to look properly thrashed, and it was just a really good time.
Yeeeeah, she was like, 60 years old. The best part was when she told everyone that she "Whalloped me good."

So... there's the story for the day! Kind of lame, but it amused the heck out of me.
Have a great day everyone.

The internet knows my phone number now.

2006-01-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

I just had the most bizarre experience on the internet with one of the most intimidating websites around.

AMAZON.COM

And now they know my phone number.

Have any of you ever called the customer service number at Amazon? I'll tell you right now, you haven't, because they don't have one. Amazon, as it turns out, calls you.

There I was, trying to place an order on Amazon for my company, when the thing just wouldn't go through. All of the information was correct, but I kept getting a "We're sorry, we can't process your request at this time," message at irregular intervals in the checkout process. Finally after thirty fruitless minutes of trying and re-trying, I decided to call the customer service number and get to the bottom of this dirty conundrum!

What I got instead was a pop-up window asking for my phone number. Below that was a dropdown menu asking when I wanted to get a call. The option I selected, because I am an American after all, was "RIGHT AWAY."

After diligently entering my phoney-phone number, I hit the "Call me" button, which made me feel vaguely like a sleaze.

Instantly, and I mean instantly, the window changed to "CALLING," and then a moment later, "RINGING."

My phone rang.

A little freaked out, I looked quickly back and forth from my phone to my computer. Was their customer service really this good? It couldn't be... right?

I picked up the phone.

"CONNECTED." Said my computer.

Nervous that I was about to speak to the matrix, I cautiously said, "He-hello?"

"You will be connected to a customer service agent immeadiately!" Shouted a recorded voice.

Okay, I thought to myself this is where I get put on hold forever. I knew customer service could not-

"CONTACTING CUSTOMER SERVICE."

No way.

"CONNECTED."

And then I was. Just like that, Amazon.com had whisked into my life and handled everything for me, to the point where I didn't even have to dial my own phone. I probably didn't really even need to pick up the headset, actually. There was also a button on the popup window that said "HANG UP," and that's just what it did.

Oh the wasted energy of holding the phone to my ear! If only I'd hit speakerphone and not burned all of those calories!

So, this entire entry is pretty much just to say that I love Amazon. Yes, Amazon, I love you. I love you.

Call me.

Out with the old...

2006-01-02T22:45:00.000-08:00

So I'm making a promise here. Ready? Here it goes.

I'm going to learn CSS if it kills me! Then, when that's done, my blog here is going to look freaking awesome.

Sometime after that I'll get a website up and off of the ground, but for now, I'm going to hit this blog like it was some kind of TLC program. I've got the glint of design in my eye and with a little help from our neighbors at Home Depot, I can do anything.

This is the all-new design right now, actually. I'm still working on the head graphic, but for now, it's mega-sweetness and I'm pretty happy with the overall look. It's been a really cool experience learning CSS and HTML over the last couple of days. I've spent quite a few hours in Books-A-Million reading design and website building books. I know the basics and now I want to get on this crazy trick pony, yo!

Alright, that's about as much funky freshness as I have in my entire body, so I'm out of here.

More mad skillz on the horizon?

2005-12-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

Hi guys,

It's been a little while since I've posted on this bad boy and a few fun things have been going on. My company keeps asking me to design more stuff, so now I'm pretty well into the full time design land, with a splash of production work. In between are the occasional pre-press color checks and orders for thousands of copies of post cards, brochures, and CDs that I'm putting through.

Also, I got this call from the owner's daughter asking me if I know anything about websites.

"A little," I say, "with an emphasis on little."

"Great!" Replies she. Later that week I'm on a solo conference call with a pretty awesome web development company discussing the future upkeep of our website. From all discussions, I may be learning a few different program languages pretty quickly, which is flippin awesome. I'm pretty darned excited about it yo!

Okay, so I'm going to leave this update where it is for now and try to guru-ize myself with the internet savvy.

An extra bonus for all of you fun-loving guys and girls out there, our website is no up and running! It's got lots o' fun stuff for the kiddies, so check it out.

The InvestiGator Club!

You guys have a great day.

I love my job

2005-10-31T14:37:00.000-08:00

Dude.

Duuuude.

I love my job. It rocks like a hardcore hottie, sho' 'nuff. I've been really busy lately, because the upper ups in the company put me in charge of creating the cd packaging, labels, and stuff for our promotional CDs. Also, I've had to find a manufacturer to print off 50,000 of these guys. AND make the choice on who gets the contract.

Eesh! Loads-o-cash is subject to my whim!

Anyways, I just wanted to update. I have many many many designerly things to do!

*CD packaging
*Teacher guide
*Assessment packaging
*Slipsheets
*Barcode creation
*Mountain Dew Consumption
*Insomniacs Anonymous meetings to attend!

I really, REALLY need to update more.
Have a great Halloween, fools! Get that candy!

Autumn in my heart.

2005-09-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

There are these places, you know?
Yeah, you know. Trust me, you do.
There are these places that we just don't forget. Places that aren't just a location, but a time, and during that time, everything is golden. When I was a kid, it seemed like the summer was so long. I remember little pieces of my childhood summers, playing in the fields of California, the yellow sunlight on our piano as it made it's way through the sliding glass door of our house. Lemonade, bikes.
Summer is over, though, and now it's time for Fall.
I love Autumn. There is really no other season like it, when the whole world is turning golden, orange, yellow.
For about one week in Mena, there is a time when every single tree in the Ouachita national forest is on fire with color, and that's when I would go up the mountain. Up there I'd sit and just look, because that's when God does some of his best landscapes.
Autumn is always one of those times like my childhood summers. I remember snapshots of almost every one, and the memories are some of my best.
Last year, I dressed as a knight in cardboard armor for Halloween. Me, Dan, and my friend Carl had a blast at the art department party that got shut down twice by the police. I took money at the door in my full plate mail, Dan worked the crowd, and Carl floated in between.
my friends and I go on a special hayride every year, and each time the stars are all out. We pile into an enormous trailor with no roof, on top of a big pile of straw, and sit there singing and huddling for warmpth under a million blankets. The ride lasts just long enough so that we don't freeze to death, and we like it that way.
When the leaves fall, I watch carefully every time. I've always hoped that someday I'll be walking along, and one leaf will fall off of a tree and land in my hand, without me moving to catch it. I don't know what I'd do with the leaf, probably keep it, I'm a packrat that way.
I love the way breath looks in the cold.
I love kicking fallen leaves. Walking through campus in the fall is wonderful because I never did walk on sidewalks too often. They're not as fun and they never take me where I want to go, so I go on the grass, and that's where the leaves are.
Everyone hugs more when it's cold.
There are no bugs, praise the Lord!
Thanksgiving. My parents are going to come up here for Thanksgiving and cook for my brother and me and everyone else who doesn't get to go home for the holidays. It's really great to spend Thanksgiving with my friends, and to give them one when they would usually eat in the cafeteria.
I love Autumn. It's a thoughtful time, and an exciting time. The quiet of winter is just starting to replace the noise of summer, the chill is taking the place of the heat.
Autumn makes me feel good, and alive. Like a cool drink of water.
It's Autumn in my heart right now, and that's good, because it's been a long summer.

Achieving Icon Status

2005-09-12T15:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's time for me to do some catching up, I guess.
Apparently, I'm an icon. Yep, a bonafide icon. I saw one of my college instructors the other day in IHOP, and it got me thinking.
For those of you who know that funky-fresh guy, it was Curtis.
Ahhh Curtis. The first teacher at the art department to demand perfection. What a breath of fresh air, eh? I'm not even kidding, either. I totally loved the fact that he expected technical perfection. Made me feel like I was becoming a professional.
I guess it sunk in, too, because now if I have an uneven cut on a picture, I can't stand it and I have to do it over again. Plus, my internship at MPS wouldn't have gone nearly as smoothly if I hadn't become so anal about craft.
Anyways! I saw Curtis and let him know what was going on with everybody's jobs and such, and he let me know that I'm an icon.
Yes yes, boys and girls. A full-fledged icon.

You know, at least... digitally. It rocks. I'll explain.

So it turns out that a picture of me that got taken last year wound up being one of the start up icons on most or all (Or one?) of the computers at the Art Department. I need to go over there and check that ugly mug out sometime soon.

Aaaaaanyhoo.

I bought a car! Yes, the raging Mustang that was determined to stay broken all throughout my college career is now gone, and in it's place is a 2002 Mazda Protege. It runs, is nice on gas, has working windows and air conditioning, and has power steering. I kind of miss the clutch, but I figure 30 miles per gallon is a far cry better than oh, say... 8.

That's the quick update, because I have to go.
Oh, and I might buy an apartment building.
Ahem.
So! Give Curtis some props because, come on, you wouldn't even be close to what you guys are today without him. Except maybe Tribble.
Yeah, not Tribble.
That boy is home grown goodness.
Later!

By the way...

2005-09-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

Oh, and I bought a car. More to come on that.

Counting my Flipping Blessings

2005-09-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

So I guess I should update on what the heck has been going on in my life for the last couple of weeks. Sorry guys, I've been busy/lazy.
Updates:
They caught that guy who broke into the church. As a result, we got a TV spot where once people saw it, the money poured in.
In under a week, we were given around 3000 dollars for our food pantry, the Rice Depot had dropped off 195 CASES of food, and people were begging for ways to help.

Well, now they have something bigger than us to help.

I went last night with some friends to the Red Cross station here in Jonesboro to attend a training session so that we could help out the refugees from the Gulf. I'm a youth minister, so I can play with kids. I'm trained by the Red Cross in First Aid for the Professional Rescuer, and CPR, so I figured I could help with minor injuries. There is no shortage of big-hearted nurses and doctors, though, who have also voulnteered their time. I'm a pretty big dude, so I can help with security. Wouldn't it suck if these people lost their homes, came here, and had the only things they could take with them stolen? That thought freaks me out. I'm pretty good with people, so I could do counseling and enter families into the nationwide database of lost people. Ahh, I just want to help!
Man, there are people who are coming in whose families still don't know if they made it out alive. Still.

The pastor of our church and I took my youth group yesterday to the store so that we could buy as many canned goods and dried foods as we could. We're going to have our food pantry and clothes closet open 24 hours a day from now on so that the families can have something if they need it.

Okay, I love you guys, and you all know that I don't get preachy on you ever. I really hate it when Christians make other people uncomfortable by shoving their religion down other people's throats. I just want to point this out...

Somebody robbed our church. It bit, but it wasn't the end of the world. The church was in debt, we were out of food, and had to almost stop feeding people. Then, people heard about it and started helping.
Money started pouring in. Our security is being upgraded. The food pantry was stocked.
But why? Why now, at the end of the summer, when our feeding program is over and we seemed to need all of this the least?
It's because God wanted us to be able to provide for these people. Now, we've got security, more food than we know what to do with, clothes for people without any, and a community of people desperate to help.

Everybody might not be a Christian, but we're all born knowing what is right, and what is not. It was put into us at the very beginning, but somehow, sometimes that conscience gets hurt or broken, but for the most part people know.

It really sucks to see these terrible things that people are doing to each other down there in New Orleans.

It is one of the most uplifting things ever to be crammed into a room full of strangers who just want to help the ones lucky enough to get away.

It's an incredible thing for sure that food and clothing was placed here for them weeks before they got here.

Bad things happen guys. They do, and I'm sorry, but that's the way of life.
Life moves on though, and now we have to either rebuild or grow.

Sometimes, people are amazing.

People Suck.

2005-08-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

Yep. It's official. People suck. People are mean, selfish, sucky jerks.

Sometimes, I hate people.

Like now.

Oh, not you, good people of the internet. Not my friends, not the people in my office. I hate people that live around my church.

I guess not all of them, really, when I think about it.

Just whoever broke into our church and stole all of the food from the kitchen and food pantry. They stole our freaking food. Not the computers, not the television or VCR, but the food. Hundreds of dollars worth of food that we need for our, get this, summer feeding program.

Feeding program, you say?

Oh yes, we give food away during the summer! Every day! Free food for whoever wants to show up.

I imagine that somewhere, somebody was thinking something a little bit like this...

*Dang, I'm hungry. I know that there's free lunch and a food pantry at the church, but maaaaaaaan, that just doesn't sound free enough for me. I'd probably better go and steal whatever I can so that not only will I have so much food that I can't fit it all into three freezers, but so that nobody else gets any of it!

Brilliant.

Now we have to cut the feeding program short because, well, we are out of money. We went into debt getting enough food for this week, and to try and re-stock our pantry a little bit, and so there's none left. We're even on credit at the local store just to get us to Friday, which is the last day now.

Sometimes I hate people.

Work Flogging

2005-08-01T18:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the stinky show on the blog-world lately, guys. It's been super-busy for me lately with work and work. I get up around 7 every morning, go to work, and stay there until 5:30 or 6 at night. After that, there are three blissful hours where I don't have much to do, and then it's off to Bible study, or time to go to bed again. Thursdays I have my youth meeting at church, Saturdays I have to be at the feeding program, and then take the kids swimming until 4pm, and Sundays...

Oh, Sundays.

Sundays are my church blitz. Kicking off the day at 9, I have the PG service, then I get to go to the 11am Fisher St. service. We serve lunch after that until 1pm, and then I get to have those elusive off hours until 5:30, at which time I go pick up the neighborhood children for the 6:00 youth choir. That lasts until 6:30, right when the evening service starts. The pastor usually takes the kids and myself to eat after that, and I end up at home around 9 or 9:30.

In short, I'm really busy.

Hrm, other Tim news?
*My brother has moved to town and lives with me now. He's working as a CNA in town.
*The hot tub is officially in place at the house.
*I got in a wreck. A drunk driver plowed through a red light and took out the truck. My truck? No, sir! It belongs to the people who's house I am babysitting. Yep. At least it was her fault, and I felt some incredibly non-Christian guilty pleasure in noting that she had totally peed her pants during the wreck. I'm a jerk. Now I'm tooling around in a rental car, which also pretty much rocks like crazy.
*One of my youth kids is going to jail. Yeah, it sucks. He's twelve years old. Just twelve, and going to juvie for a year on, get this, drug charges.

Err, I guess that's the update! I need to get on here now and write a real Timchose episode, I guess.

Oh! I'm getting way more responsibility at work now. I'm heading up a project for Harcourt books on one of their textbooks. It's pretty great, because they've trained me in their online filing system for pictures and documents and stuff. I'm starting to take over the whole printing coordinating position, where I'll be talking to the overseas printers and being the main contact for them. I guess that's besides being the main contact for trade books, also.

I'm so tired.

Last night, I dreamed about taking a nap. How sick is that, eh?

Assisted Living la Vida Loca

2005-06-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

So I am driving down the road past this assisted living place, when I see an old man on a motorized scooter pull up to the road, stop, and throw out a left-turn signal.
It kind of freaked me out a little, I have to admit.
Quick like a bunny, I got the phone number to the place, call them, and have this charming little conversation.
"Whatever assisted living, can I help you?"
I say, "Yes, I was just driving by and saw one of your residents getting ready to ride his motorized chair out into traffic."
There was a pause on the other end.
"Sir, you do know this is an assisted living facility, correct? We aren't responsible for our residents. Some of them like to ride their carts to Wal-Mart." She says to me, as if I were totally retarded for being concerned about this dude's welfare.
Keeping chipper, I retort "Yes I know, but he just pulled out into the road..."
"Oh!" She exclaimed, "He does that all the time! Scares the daylights out of me, but I guess he gets home okay!"
I was dumbfounded.
"Well, thanks for taking care of that, ma'am." I said a little bit too sarcastically.
"No problem, dear. He should be along around sunset, I imagine."

Yeeeah.

Anybody ever feel like they're living in a Douglas Adams novel?

Sheesh.

Enter the Swankness.

2005-06-22T23:17:00.000-07:00

So, I have a pretty sweet deal for the next month of my life.

Going to church rocks.

I get to meet people who want me to house-sit. Yep, house-sit. This couple from my church is going on a one month vacation, and they want me to live at their house for that month. I thought about it for a little while, and said yes as quickly as I could.
You see, right now I live with a monk. Ha ha, I know, but he really is a Benedictine monk. That sounds kind of cool, until you realize that he wakes up at 4am every morning to pray, and that I can't really have friends over to visit. Especially if they are girls. My pastor is afraid of what the neighbors might think.
No joke.
Okay, so I'm excited to be getting out for a month just to have my own space where I can be alone. It's going to rock.
But the deal gets sweeter.
The couple has also offered to pay me.
Also, they are shopping to stock their freezer and fridge for me with lots of food before they leave.
Also, they have a Playstation 2, and a GameCube.
Also, the dish network.
Also, no pets to take care of, they are being boarded.
Oh, and last but not least....

Ready?

They are having a brand new seven person hot tub installed this week. I will get to be literally the first person in this sucker.
Yep.
Oh, and they think it would be cool if I grilled.

Go to church, suckers!
Muaa haaa haaaaaa haaa!

Quitters?

2005-06-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

So... Did we all just quit, or what?
I guess it's the rigamarole of the job market and lifestyle, but it seems like everybody stopped blogging on the same day.

Freeeeaky!

Well heck! I'm updating, fools! My job rocks! Still! I'm getting more and more responsability as the first day of the second week kicked off today. Today I was thick and furious emailing to the NY and Chicago offices nonstop, all the while trying to get materials that I had created approved, figure out what we're designing in the teacher manuals, researching ISBN numbers and barcodes, and contacting publishing houses trying to get the phattest deals that I can on huge numbers of books. Yeah, I spent hours on the phone today talking to sales reps from all around the country, and even one in London.
I'm super happy.

Oh, and Batman Begins rocked my socks off. If you want any kind of testosterone rush, you should see it and revel in the manliness that is Batman. Yeeeees.

Okay, I updated, now do the same!
Love ya guys.

I am going to be an Avatar.

2005-06-14T21:01:00.000-07:00

That's right. An avatar. The avatar of InDesign, to be specific.

My new job rocks. Like Aerosmith, or something.

Okay, so I got to work Monday and everybody was really nice, checking out the new guy and all. We got to work setting up my little office space. It's not so much a cubicle, or area, or zone, or even an office, but it is instead a showroom for the monster computer that sittith within the confines of it's walls.
My computer. It's nuts. A dual 2.7 Gig G5 Power Mac with 1.5 Gigs of ram, a 250 gig hard drive, superdrive, an insane graphics card, and a 20 inch cinema display screen. I went and built the thing on apple just to see, and it was over 4,000 dollars.

I almost peed a little.

So that was pretty much day one. I filled out forms, set up my little work space, and then my boss filled me in on all of the different aspects of my job. It's actually a pretty awesome opportunity for me, because it's an entire Pre-Kintergarden learning program, and I get to be in on every single aspect of it from helping buy and research stock photography, layout of the art and teacher guides, books, and other stuff. Then, after all of my design frenzy, I am also in charge of the printing and processing of the entire project, from planners to posters to puppets and bilingual versions of the sing along CDs. It's an enormous project, and everybody's really excited about it. They said that top educators from around America have been hearing about it, and are panting to buy it, so I've got to have the quotes on printing prices for runs from 5-10,000 pretty soon, and then inform the Chicago and New York offices of the updates to the project and prices on an almost daily basis.

I'm nervous.

I'm excited,

Also, I'm going to be the physical embodiment of all that is InDesign.
That was day number two. I spent eight hours today doing InDesign tutorials, and I'm only a fourth of the way through. I'm still bashing my way through the typography and layout sections, and let me tell you...

InDesign is a beast! A lovely, sexy beast.

After/along with this I get to conquer Excel. There's a lot more to that little dude than I though!

Okay. Enough boasting. Sorry, sorry, but I'm really happy about the job. My family doesn't come from any money at all, so for me to have a career, and to be able to help them out while taking care of myself is such an amazing thing that I can't even describe it. Soooo, I won't, just right now. But it's awesome.
So good night, all!

Goal of the week Go see Batman Begins. Hopefully in an iMax theatre.

I have Jobation!

2005-06-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

Yes. I have achieved jobdom.
It went down thusly. I was working the summer feeding program today, and the lady called me from Rainbow. She told me that they were very impressed with me at the interview, and wanted to hire me. They were impressed with me professionally and knew that I would do a great job, she said.
The funny part?
Remember how I said that I would rely on my personality to get the job for me, as a joke? Nope, that worked. For real. She said that they weighed personality very heavily in the interview process, and that I seemed like I would fit in very well with them. She actually told me that they had intervewed four more people after me, but kept looking at each other after they left and saying, "Tim was so much of a cooler guy."
Can you guess how awesome that made me feel?
Yeah...
So! The perks?
*Basic graphic designer starting salary, no billions of bucks floating out of the sky, but that's cool, I am making more money than I have ever in my life.
*401k
*Extremely good benefits and insurance
*Paid vacation that accumulates
*My very own office, and

Ready, Daniel?

*A brand new G5 Mac to work on. They just took it out of the box for me yesterday.

Bwaa haa haaaaaa!
I smiled for the rest of the day. I'm still smiling!
So now I start training Monday to get up to speed on everything that's happening at the job, they're giving me some heavy duty InDesign training, (On my new Mac! With it's new programs!) and I will be the sole printing coordinator, and one of the graphic designers. That means that not only will I design my little heart out, but I will be the only guy having printers court me and in charge of the printing going on. Ooooh the experience-gaining bliss!
Basic message of the night? I'm a happy dude.
Oh, and I love Kendra Coggins. I wouldn't have a fart's chance on a windy day of getting a job like this if she hadn't swept into our lives.
Here's raising a glass to Kendra, all.
Heh, Kendra and my dominating personality.
8^)

Excited, excited, excited!

2005-06-04T16:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I pop open yea old email today, and this is the first message I see.

Hi Tim!

I just wanted to let you know that I will be in touch with you next
Thursday to talk about possibly coming to work for us.
We were both very pleased with you. I know that you would do
an awesome job for us in addition to fitting well (personality wise) on
our team.

I have to go on a business trip Monday and Tuesday. I'll be back
Wednesday, but it may be Thursday before I can give you a call.

I'm looking forward to talking to you.

Have a great weekend!

Rainbow Educational Concept, Inc.

Ahhhh!
So, I'm a happy little dude. Trying not to get too far ahead of myself, because no formal job offer has been made yet, but they sound really happy about me, so...
Excited!

Smidgeny update

2005-06-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so yesterday I took some extra resumes over to Rainbow because they told me that they needed more. The lady went "Hey Tim!" when I came in the door, so I took that as a good sign that I was pretty memorable.
Of course, that could have been from my tabletop dance that I did just to make sure they knew the "real me."
Not really.
But it was sweet that she remembered, and told me that they would be calling me this next week. Now it's just down to me waiting and waiting.
It's cool, though, because I have a lot to keep myself occupied with. The summer feeding program has started at my church, and on the first day we fed 106 people! Rock, eh? I'm going to feel like a total jerk when I finally have to quit that job. Not that I'll stop serving food and stuff, but still.
Okay, it's time for my youth meeting, so I'm out.

*life goal #4 - Make Tribble giggle.

The interview!

2005-05-27T21:40:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I rocked the interview.
Yep, it was pretty stinking great, I gotta tell ya. First, I had my portfolio all put togeather and looking great,
(Booya Kendra! Heh heh.) but we didn't even look at it for the first thirty minutes of the interview. There were the two of them, one was the layout/designer guy, and the other was the lady I set the interview up with. Mrs. Second in Command of the entire joint. They started by telling me all about their company. The following is a reenactment. The conversation has been altered to protect the innocent from rampant boredom.
Them - This is what our company is like
Me - Cool, that's what I'm like, dawg!
Them - Awesome, G. These are the programs that we use
Me - Cool, those are the programs I use, fool!

I'd like to note here that this company is doing just great with the programs. They're making the leap into InDesign, they run totally on MacPower. This is the point of the interview where we all sat around and mutually congratulated each other on our almost unbelievable wisdom in choosing the awesome Apple.
Ookay. Not only were we already getting along swimmingly but we made small talk as well. This somehow brought up the little factoid that I live in a pretty rough part of town. The Head Lady perked up, and asked which street, and who the pastor of my church is. When I told her, she got really excited and told me that her daughter had voulnteered at the feeding program we had last summer. (Free lunch every single day! Whew!)
DING!
Using my lightning fast reflexes of the mind, (a mind powered by Apple) I informed her that I had been there every day and in fact knew her daughter, because I had been in charge of the youth program.
Oh, the ease of conversation after that!

Anyways. To make a long story slightly longer with a summing up of the parts, I handled myself well, was recommended by her personal printer, knew her daughter, know all the programs that they use, and let them know that every part of their job sounded like a perfect fit with my personality and skill level. Which it does, surprisingly enough.
Half of the job (Most of it, starting off) is going to be researching and finding a printer for the company to use. They want to do this because they are just now starting to produce their own products created all in house, and will need me to contact printers all across the US, and even into the GLOBAL COMMUNITY! Seriously, she told me that they have feelers out in China, and met with people in New Jersey and such places, then asked me if traveling sometimes would be a problem.
Ha ha! How little she knows me!
I made sure to let her know that it was no problem at all.

Sigh.

I want this job.

Jobbity job?

2005-05-24T15:00:00.000-07:00

So, I have a job interview Friday.
Stinking nifty, eh? I think so. It's at this place called Rainbow Educational Concepts right here in Jonesboro. Apparently, it's this place that makes schoolbooks, and they have a graphic design job open. The guy who owns the place where I interned at called me up and told me that one of his clients was looking for a graphic designer. Lights and bells and whistles went off inside his head as he hurridly described me to her.
What a bloke, eh?
Anyways, she bit into his line of Tim praise and told him to have me call her. Which I did, and I'm pleased to say that I have an interview.
The job sounds sweet, too. Not only do I get to do page layouts, photo research and schtuff, but I would be in charge of handling the printers as well. Calling to check progress and quality and whatnot.
Can't tell you enough how much I'd like to have the experience in working with printers. (Lucky Dan!)
Okay, sooooooo pray for me and hope that she likes my stuff. Or, if she doesn't like the work, just hope that my personality pulls it off.
Or, maybe that she's intimidated by my sheer girth and hires me on the spot.
Yeah, girth...
Here goes the plunge into the job search!

2005-05-23T06:59:00.000-07:00

This is me, being an idiot and jousting on ATVs.

Yeah, it's not a joke, we really loaded up on these dudes and hit the crap out of each other.

It was a whole lot of stinking fun. I'll get some more of the pictures up later
Man it was stupid.
But so fun, fool!

The Tour de Faith, and I almost died puking.

2005-05-17T22:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so post graduation, I decided to take a little teeny tiny one hundred and sixty mile bike trip. The idea had it's genesis a few months back when we all decided at my campus ministry that it would be a swell idea to borrow some road bikes, train up for a couple of months and then bike fourty miles a day for a week from my college town of Jonesboro to Bryant, which is just south of Little Rock. Once we got to the church of the day, we would take an hour off and then get around to mission work, that being whatever they had for us to do.
Well, in typical fashion for anybody who isn't an actual athelete, we didn't really train until the week before. This nifty little complication led to some slight muscle soreness durning graduation, but all in all, I was ready and good to go.
Day number one started out very well.
It rained. Yep, there we were at seven o'clock in the morning, ready to go, but it's raining. We didn't get to start until ten, so we only got to bike for twenty of the scheduled fourty that day. There was work to be done at the church, though, so by noon we packed up the bikes in the trucks and drove the rest of the way into camp. Lots of scraping, painting, and yardwork followed. The local news crew, K8 came out to interview some of us and to snap some pictures, then we ate some church lady food and all fell into a happy tired slumber.
Day number two looked great. Blue skies, slightly stiff legs and back, but we were ready to get on the road, yes sir. So we did. We had six hours set aside to get the fourty three or so miles down to Brinkley. I figured it would only take three hours or so at the pace of fifteen mph. we had hit the day before.
Nope. Some of the group (not me, happily enough) were not up to that pace, so a relaxed ten miles was where we settled in. Lord, it was the longest, straightest, and slowest four hours of my entire life. Also, it felt like somebody was chiseling my rear end apart with an axe. Those road bike racing seats aren't made for cushion, lemme tell you.
At the end of that long road was Brinkley, where we took a day off from riding and instead did yard work. Sleep some more, then up at six am to head off to Lonoke.
Day number three actually went very well. We got to start off the first leg of the trip by staying at thirteen miles an hour for an hour or so. I found myself marveling at the idea that I was so much happier going thirteen mph than ten.
After a while, though, I decided that I was just like that.
If somebody offered to put me in a room that was either 180 degrees, or 179 degrees, I would still take the room that was 179 and somehow feel cooler. Like I'd cheated the system, or something.
Oh well. Lonoke rocked, my buddy Roy and I got to stay at this house where the kids there had built a potato gun and a golf ball gun, which they offered to show us. It took me and Roy a moment to glance at each other and then say, "Look at it? I want to shoot it!"
So we did.
Yay! Corrupting the youth of tomorrow!
They took us out to an old road and we shot golf balls at a baseball game for about an hour until we ran out of golf balls. Then we used rocks until the back end of the gun fused closed and we couldn't get any more propellant in there. We found out later that my friend Courtney had been at that baseball game. Heh.
Okay! Day number four. The sweetest action day of all.
We hit Little Rock, and guess what?
We got a full Police escourt through town.
No crap.
Biker cops, traffic police, regular police, the works.
Oh, and not just through the outskirts of town, my friends. Nope, it was over the bridge and straight through Main Street at noon. It rocked like crazy. I have never felt so cool in my entire life. The bike cops are going nuts, because they get to show out, kids are waving at us from the sidewalk like we're important, cars are blocked up for blocks, and we got to bike past some model on the street in a photo shoot who looked at us like we were cool.
It was kind of surreal.
And awesome.
Yeah, mostly awesome.
Aaaaaaanyways! We ended up at the outskirts of Brinkley, where we were handed over to the Brinkley police until we got to the final church. That was almost as cool, because even though they have a bike lane, we didn't use it. I think motorists hated us, but I didn't really care. Woot!
Okay, so after eating at R.C.'s Moonpie cafe (Not a joke, dear Lord that's not a joke, no matter how much I wish it was.) we slept like the exhausted pansies that we were. Well, it was after a fourty-seven mile bike ride. Go figure.
Day five was yardwork. Just yardwork. Painting, actually, for my crew. We went and painted an old lady's deck because she didn't have anybody to help her. She was really nice, but talked to her cat like it was a real person.
Mrrrow.
Day six was when it all went bad. We got sick. Mad sick. Luckily it was the end of the trip, but everybody on the trip (twelve people) got hit with an angry, vengful stomach flu. Luckliy for me I was at my friend Payton's house by this time because I was visiting him.
Let me tell you, I was the life of the party.
If, of course, that party was held in the toilet.
And hated me.
Payton is one stand up dude though. He stayed with me from 3:30 until nine, then left me sleeping and got me Pepto, Aleve, and Sprite, a curative trifecta that rivals Robitussin. After that the guy sleep on his own couch to give me his bed.
In short? He rocks like socks.
That brings us to day seven, I suppose, which is where I went home. Home is for another entry. I'm tire of writing, and there's too much wierdness to fit in here. I just got done jousting my best friend on four-wheelers with fun noodles and mop handles. Nobody died!
You crazy kids have a good night.

Graduation smoothness

2005-05-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

So I graduated.
College.
Yeah, it was pretty freaking sweet, I'll admit. The culmination of six long years of classes, confusion, and the realization that I really, really like design. It's what I want to do and be.
Now the portfolio tweaking and website finishing begins, to try and catapult myself from barely graduated kid to designer extroidinaire.
About graduation. It rocked. Wish I could say that I was bored to tears, but no, I really had an awesome time sitting there next to all my buddies and one of my more sarcastic professors for two and a half hours. I got to walk first because nobody else wanted to, which made me a happy little gopher. It was kind of added cool that I am the largest guy in the art department, so we all made this little duck row from tallest to shortest on the way out there. Ok, I'm the tallest guy who actually showed up.
Hmm. I also engaged in some thievery in the name of one of my other friends who didn't walk last night. The school charges somewhere around twenty dollars to have your diploma shipped to you, so I worked my wiles on the sarcasticly fun teacher, and got her to nab the missing student's diploma, while I snuck up to the podium behind a wall of fake trees and took the presentation folder that we were given to put them in. It was ninjatastic. Also, I don't think anybody cared.
I graduated!
The job search begins anon!

The Hermit

2005-01-04T22:10:00.000-08:00

It's late.
It's always late for me on this guy, it seems. It certainly was that way this summer, when I was just writing. I'd get home from work late and then sit at my computer and peck away. I had more time to write then. Tonight I also have some time and a story, so kick back, fool!
The Bible is a fun thing. Religion as a whole is a fun thing, and it's really interesting to see people who take the Bible totally out of context, or totally forget the whole thing. My friend Peter and I were in Wal*Mart one day in the check out line, when this little funky guy comes up behind us. I took one look at him and my mind instantly shouted, "Hermit!"
The man was the perfect movie hermit. He was a skinny little guy with an enormous white beard, wearing (I kid you not) a grass hat, green shirt, potato sack pants, and sandals. He was darned cute, that's what he was. I entertained the thought that amazing words of wisdom would flow out of him, somehow making me a better person, kind of like Yoda.
What I got from the man was that he pointed at the beef jerkey that I was buying and exclaimed in a high, squeaky, uncomfortably loud voice, "Those who eat meat... shall die!"
I was quite taken aback. "Excuse me?" I said to him.
Again he proclaimed, "Those who eat meat... shall die! The Bible says, 'Death unto the eaters of flesh'!"
"Umm.. does it, now? I must have missed that part," I mumbled back at him.
"Yes!" The little man squeaked at me, "It's all in the Good Book! Those who eat meat shall die!"
By this time, the cashier's eyes were going all googly like the Cookie Monster's, Peter was tucking the jerkey inside his coat, and the line behind he man had somehow disappeared leaving only a panic-stricken vapor. The man was kind of creeping me out, so I cheerfully waved, told him that I probably should go out and read my Bible now, thank you very much, and left.
It's amazing how many people think that God is petty.
Ahh, I miss my hometown.
Someday, when I'm rich and famous, I'll buy a hermit like that of my very own. All the rappers will copy me pretty quick, but I'll be really cool and trend-setting for like, a week.
G'night.

My Amazing, Show-Stopping Hair

2004-12-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

Apparently, I have nice hair. It's not really something I think about, well, ever, but people comment about it to me. I was sitting at work one night at the front desk of my residence hall, and a pizza delivery lady came in and asked me for her customer's number. While I was looking for it, we were chatting, because I'm just chatty like that, and she said to me, "Wow! You have perfect hair! I mean really, perfect!"
It kind of made me nervous, but mom raised a polite boy, so I just said thanks, gave her the number and she was on her way. The only thing that made it not be just weird was that she said it in an honest way, not a creepy way. It put me in a better mood than I was already in (Which was good anyways), and I almost strained my neck trying to look at my hair in the windows. Looked normal.
Another thing that it did was remind me of other "hair incidents" that have happened. There are a lot of little ones and one pretty funny one.
The little ones are just that every single time that I've ever gone to a barber to get my hair cut, they have always said something about how thick my hair is.
"Oh my goodness! You've got some thick hair!"
"Jeez kid! Your hair is so thick!"
"Wanda, get me the weedwhacker!"
And so on.
The other one was a couple of semesters ago. My friend Brian and I were washing our clothes at the laundrymat because the washers in the basement of Twin Towers were all being used. In the laundrymat there was this black family washing their clothes. This means that the poor woman's kids were running around like free range chickens, and she apparently didn't care what they did, or how close to death they came. These kids were just like me when I was their age. Jumping from table to table, screaming... It was hilarious.
Two of the brothers who were a little bit older, maybe six at the most, climbed atop the washers in front of me and Brian and proceeded to give us a how-to on sumo wrestling. While one kid stomped his feet and screamed "Ahh SHO!" at the top of his lungs, the other one stomped his feet and screamed "Hui!" back at him. Then, after their opening ceremony was over, they started to kick the crud out of each other sumo-style.
While this was happening, their little brother, who vaguely reminded me of Fat Albert, only tiny, became my fast friend. This kid was hilarious in everything he did. For one thing, I only understood one sentence that he said the entire time I was there.
He came up to me at first, pointed to my hand, and said, "Aauga arrrgaa mrmph frowl!"
I nodded at him and said, "Yes sir!"
Apparently this was the reaction he wanted, because he grinned and said, "Murphle." in a satisfied tone, then decided that I was his jungle gym.
So there I was, watching these two kids thrash around on top of the washers like a freaky midget WWF show while their little brother was stomping on my head in order to get to where he could sit on the table above me, and Brian and I were both laughing so hard that I thought I would pass out and my stomach hurt the next day.
When the kid had finally gotten up on top of the table, he said the only thing that I understood that night.
He grabbed my hair in both hands, started yanking my head from side to side, and bellowed down at me, "I like your hair!"
Then, he resorted to his babblings again.
Ahh, college.
Ahh, kids.
And ahh, hair.
We left the laundrymat with three new friends and sore tummies that night, and I called it a good day. Any time you go home actually tired from laughing is a day that should shine in your memory, I think. It made me feel good, the kind of good feeling you get when a friend writes or calls just to say hi, the kind of good you get from reading the Beatitudes, and you know that everything's going great in America.
Just thought I'd share with you guys.

Saving a memory

2004-12-08T18:10:00.000-08:00

This story is about a night. It's about something that I want to remember and I wrote it down as well as I could so hey, it's my story, live with it.
I went swimming one day with my best friend Peter and his family. My brother came along too, which was awesome. We drove out in the woods in their family's Jeeps to a swimming hole only we know about that was surrounded with shale rocks and the national forest. We swam in the river, scrounged large hunks of the shale to take home for a walkway, and roasted weenies on a fire. The sun was warm, but there were clouds enough to keep us from burning. We had rock skipping Olympics, rock throwing Olympics, and I pulled an entire tree out of the ground with my bare hands for firewood. No joke. I felt strong, I felt good, I felt loved. It was a good day.
Anyways, after a while of goofing around, tossing the little kids in the water, we cooked some weenies, drank some cokes, and ate watermelon. We swam a little more (I know, I know, you're supposed to wait 30 minutes, but we're irresponsible.) and then packed up all the rocks and headed for home.
The ride home is really the memory that I want to write down here tonight, it made a perfect end to a wonderful day. On the ride home, we had a lot of big flat rocks in the back of the Jeep, not to mention Peter's little sister, so I had to sit up on the top of the seat and grip the crossbar, which was cool. This took me out of most of the conversation, so I just sat and enjoyed the ride. At first, I just closed my eyes and listened to the wind rushing in my ears, and that was great in itself. There I was with it's pressure on my face, the sound all around me, and I could imagine that I was flying. Then, though, I opened my ears a little farther, and also opened my eyes.
Things got better.
The first thing that I saw was the moon. That night, the moon was in it's cresent shape, and it was a light orange. I thought of the little logo from Dreamworks, where there is a little boy fishing off of the moon, and I could easily imagine that that yellow-orange moon was God's throne. The next thing that I noticed was the other sounds. There were two of them. One, the loudest besides the wind, was the sound of all the night creatures in the woods as we passed. It was as if, as we were driving towards them, all of the little things that chirp or croak were calling out to us in greeting, and as we passed, they just faded away, being replaced by new hails for attention up ahead. It made me feel in touch with the entire world, us driving along, God on His throne in the sky watching over us, the stars in the dark sky above, and all of the tiny things shouting with one voice around us.
The other noise that I began to hear was the voices of my best friend and my brother talking about something. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I didn't need to. They were happy, I could tell that by the tone, and by the sound of laughter that floated up to me from where I was sitting with my head above the Jeep canopy.
I sat back, listening to the wind, watching the stars while the creatures of the night sang to me, with my Lord watching me from above, and the happy voices of the people I love most in this world floating up to me, and I was content. I wanted to tell someone about what I was feeling, I wanted someone to be there with me, so that I could show them how to listen.
It was one of my best days, and that's the truth. I just wanted to write it down so that I could remember it, keep it.

I am Smokey Bear.

2004-12-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

Hey, I only say things like that because they're true. Well, mostly true. I'm not THE Smokey Bear, that's my mom, but I'll get to all of that. This is just a record of a day I had a couple of years back. Thus it went, sirrah.
I'd been staying up reeeally late recently, either on the computer or driving, or running, whatever. I rarely had gotten to bed before three am that summer, which is okay, because my job didn't start until the evening. Waitering was fun! Anyways, as fun as waitering was, I love to have more cash on hand for college. To this point, I did this little odd job for my friend's dad.
No, not lap dances, not donating blood or plasma, not even training rabid dogs. My job was nastier than any of those. I cleaned out those pits underneath the carwash, where all that... goo... that you people wash off of your car collects. Let me tell you, it's icky. Icky in the way that a garbage collector would turn his nose at. The thing is, though, it's darned good money. Evens out to about twenty dollars an hour, and I did two hours worth, so I didn't complain about the need for a shower.
That started off my day, covered in stinky muck, at six thirty in the morning. No, I'm not a morning person, at least, not voulntarily. You can pay me to be one, though.
After that, I went home and sand-blasted myself clean, napped for a few hours, and then I went to be Smokey.
You see, my mother is the real Smokey Bear. My mother answers every single letter that any kid in America writes to Smokey Bear. Isn't that cool? For some reason, "they" chose this little podunk town in Arkansas to be the Smokey base camp.
It's also my priveleage to say that I've begged her, and yes, she's going to let me write a letter. This has got me completely psyched out, for some reason.
Well, since she works at the ranger station in town, she has me voulnteer for things she needs done, and since I have some spare time during the summer, I do it, and gladly. So she had me dress up in the Smokey Bear costume one day for the kids at this kind of mockup of a career day. It was flat awesome in some ways, terribly distressful in others. As a note, Smokey does not talk, ever, just so you can keep that in mind, when I tell you about what happened. It was bad in two different ways.
First, the bad.
The costume is hot. I had an ice pack strapped to me under it, but that didn't help my head, which cooked. So there I was, looking through the eyes and nose and mouth of this gigantic microwave oven that I had on my head while trying not to step on children. To hinder me further, sweat was pouring into my eyes, and then... my nose started to itch.
People would come up and talk to Smokey, and there was one horrible scene I cound out about later from my brother, who watched it happen. It went like this.
Man walks up grinning with his daughter in tow. The child looks a little bit apprehensive.
"Hey Smokey!"
Silence. No response from Smokey. The big bear just stands there, and the only motion it makes is that his head is shifting around slightly.
"Hey... Smokey?"
The child is now getting worried. Does Smokey not like her? Does he know that she played with her daddy's matches three weeks ago? Worry sets in. Why does his head keep shifting like that?
"Ummm. Everything okay there big fella? Yeah well, it was nice seeing you... bye."
The little girl is now white faced and close to crying. Never again will she touch matches. Never, she promises to herself!
*INSIDE THE SMOKEY BEAR COSTUME*
I'm frantic. My nose itches so badly now that I'm hunkering my head down and supporting the mask with my shoulders while I try to rake my nose across the inside of the head. I didn't even hear the man try to talk to me, I'm focused on balancing the head so that it doesn't topple off of my shoulders while at the same time, I'm tossing my head around inside the thing like a man possessed. Finally, I look up in time to see a frightened looking girl and her dad back away from me.
Huh. I think. She must be scared of bears.
So that was most of the bad part. The only other bad part was that I couldn't talk to tell anybody anything. It's a good thing that I used creative hand signals.
On to the good part! I was so happy today, no matter how much my nosed itched. The kids loved me, for the most part. One kid in particular, I remembered. He looked to be about fourteen, which is too old to believe that Smokey is real, but he was also slightly retarded. Not so much, though. I think he was in public school, just slower, that's all. He'd hung around me for fifteen minutes, at a distance. I think he was deciding what to say. He finally came up to me kind of shyly and got up close. For all the shyness, though, he had this determined look in his eye that told me he was serious about something.
"Smokey," he started, "I've been reading your comic, about how I shouldn't smoke. I don't smoke, it ment a bunch to me. I love you, Smokey."
Ok, so I'm a big baby. That touched my heart, that's for sure. I wasn't supposed to talk, but when he hugged me with that smile on his face, I broke the rules and whispered, "I love you, too."
None of the other kid's hugs ment as much as that one did.
The rest of the day was a blur, and I rushed through work that night, just waiting until I could come home and write it down.

The Scourge of the Pond

2004-12-05T20:17:00.000-08:00

One day I was hit by a huge fit of no sense, and I went to Wal-Mart and bought a little Coleman TM two man inflatable boat. I got the two man because the one person was too small to hold my two hundred and ten pound frame, sadly enough. The box looked pretty great, it made it look like I and somebody else could easily sit in the thing and just have a ball. Well, the boat turned out to be big enough for yours truly, but that's okay, I didn't really have anyone else to go with me, nor did I really want anybody else along.
So, I took my new yacht to our local lake, hooked the paddles in it, and tossed it out there. It was beautiful. I think I'll paint a name on the bow, just to be me. Something like "Destroyer," or "Scourge of the pond."
Yes sir.
Anyways, once I had my little boat all afloat on the lake, I threw in a box of Cheeze-Its, a bottle of Dasani (Yeah, sissy water, I know, but it's good!), my Bible, a book, and my sketch pad and charcoals. I'm an art student to the core, and I felt like drawing. Once I'd loaded up, being very careful not to get water in my precious barge, I headed out to the middle of the lake, passing by some kids who were swimming by the boat loading zone.
I was an instant role model.
"Daddy! I want to grow up to be like that guy! He has everything!" A little boy shrieked at his father. I kind of waved an apology to the poor guy because I know he probably still hasn't heard the child's fervant wishes for a boat like mine. As well he should want one. I love my sexy party barge. Oh yes. Ok, so party barge isn't the word, I didn't even have room to keep my feet in the thing with all of my stuff in there with me, but hey, it's my first boat, darn it!
So there I was, finally tied off to one of the many tree trunks sticking out of the water in the middle of the lake, reading and drawing, the sun slowly sinking over the mountains while I drank my sissy water and I realized, this is it, man. This is one of those priceless moments that are just for me. Having someone else there would have totally spoiled it, so I milked it for all it was worth, baby.
I binged on my Cheeze-Its.
I drew the sunset, it was a good one, and somehow still looked great in black and white.
I read.
I napped.
On the way back, a couple of old guys were getting ready to go fishing in their motor boat when I paddled by in my dinghy. We talked for a little while because it's Arkansas, and people are friendly, even strangers. I said something about how this was the silliest thing I'd done in a while, and one of them confessed that he was a little jealous. I told him where I'd bought the boat, and I seriously think the went and got one.
One day made brighter. I wonder what he'll name his?
When I left, I let that little kid help me take the boat out of the water. He swelled up in pride and told me that once, when he was little (He's little now) that he found an alligator in his own boat. His dad told me that it was back when the kid was twenty, to which I said, "Oh, right, back in Vietnam, when he helped Napoleon sign the Magna Carta?" We laughed, and the kid just agreed with it all. Who knows, maybe he's just the shortest time traveler there ever was.
In all, it was a dang fun day, and I don't regret it at all. There were more productive things I could have been doing, sure, but nothing better.
Nothing at all.